The wonder of technology – finding my soulmate through a podcast.

I tend to be a few years behind when comes to trends. It's almost 2008 and I just discovered podcasts.

Just a few weeks ago, I listened to an episode of KERA's Think, which featured Frank Schaeffer, son of Francis Schaeffer – an evangelical superstar who happened to produce many of the materials used in my household growing up. It's hard to describe what it was like for me as a child, but I don't think I'd have to explain anything to Frank at all. He, like me, grew up in a family that instilled from a young age that his behavior, or “witness” as christians like to say, would influence the eternal fate of thousands of souls. One wrong step and someone might end up in the fiery pits of hell. And this is what he was told from the age of 7. I was told the very same thing for as long as I can remember. I think most kids dream about becoming a fireman, a doctor, or a police officer or teacher (perhaps not coincidentally all jobs that help others in a very tangible way). On the other hand, I didn't just dream, I felt compelled to become a missionary. Saving the lives of people wasn't enough for me, I was responsible for saving their souls. This was something that was ground into me repeatedly - it's our duty as Christians to walk the Straight and Narrow so as not to lead anyone else astray. As Frank mentions, most kids in elementary school are off thinking about baseball or TV, but we were worried about all the people who we might be sending to hell. I don't know if I can really describe the tremendous pressure that places on someone, especially as a child. The most vivid recollection I have of such a conversation with my parents was when they discovered I was not, in fact, following in the footsteps of Chris (I was 18 and they found out about the 30 year old I was dating). At any rate, they told me that they were crushed and horrified that I wasn't being a good testament to Christ because they were counting on my visits with my Grandmother to convert her from the pagan ways of Catholicism. In short, my choices were going to send my Grandma to hell. Nevermind that if maybe my dad stopped being an ass for a little while she might be a little more interested in hearing about it from him. No, it was my responsibility. Despite my general rejection of their beliefs, I wondered deep down if they were right – if one of the people I loved the most might go to hell because of me.

It's things like this that make me different in an entirely irreversible way. I think about religion a lot, and whether there's an afterlife, or if there's a mysterious “superior” being hovering about. Sometimes it can be a little difficult connecting with people because smalltalk doesn't generally start with “so how did God ruin your life?” Not that it's the only thing I can talk about, but it's amazing how profoundly religion has touched every aspect of my life. And while I wouldn't wish my experiences on anyone (although I wouldn't change them either), I have to say it's a little comforting knowing I'm not the only person out there who was burdened with such a degree of responsibility, and like me, thinks it's completely absurd. Thank you, Frank. And modern technology.